I'm so sorry I haven't posted in forever! These past few months have been absolutely crazy!
Ahhhhh....I hope you like this chapter, anyway :)
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Chapter Ten
“So, did you ever finish The Sorcerer’s Stone?” Ryan asked as we ate at the table outside, chowing down on cheese burgers and fries. I tried to hide the sudden flush in my face behind my burger.
“Erm-uh-yes, yes I did.” I answered slowly. Ryan watched me expectantly.
“And, what did you think of it…?” He prodded. Why did he push?
“I…I liked it, but that doesn’t mean that you’re right!” I called quickly, hoping he wouldn’t gloat.
“Oh really? I’m not right, yet I was the one who said that you would like the book? Yeah, that makes sense.” He joked.
“Hey, sarcasm is my thing.” I muttered feebly, staring at the bright red straw protruding from my Dr. Pepper.
“Anyway, do you have The Chamber of Secrets?” He asked.
“No. I haven’t had time to head to the library.” I answered, and when I looked back up, Ryan was standing, finishing his last fry.
“My house is closer; I’ll let you borrow my copy.” He said around the fry in his mouth. Why did my stomach flip?
“Er-ah-” But before I could finish, Ryan yanked me up and towed me over to his truck.
“But-the library-er-why your house?” I asked, not really wanting an answer, or going for one.
“Because it’s closer.” He repeated, doing that Goddamned charming smirk-smile before opening the door for me.
“Ma’lady,”
I glared, but didn’t say anything, just shoved myself into the car.
About five minutes later, Ryan pulled into the driveway of a nice house in a nice neighborhood, with pale grey siding, dark grey shingles, and a bright, shiny, cherry red door. The drive way already had a car in it.
“Okay, c’mon,” Ryan said, and since I was tired of being a wimp, I reluctantly got out and followed him up the hot cement steps. He opened the door and held it open for me as I stepped in, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the different lighting. It smelled like air freshener and the great smells of homemade foods. I could hear Brent’s voice as he yelled at a video game.
Just then, a woman walked in, short and slightly plump, smiling. She reminded me of Brent-dark skin, and short, curly black hair that was wrapped in a bun.
“Oh hi, Ryan,” She said, her brown eyes shifting to me. Ryan smiled.
“Hey Mom, this is Averi, a friend. I brought her here to let her borrow a book.” He explained, and his mother smiled, extending her hand.
“Well hello, Averi. You can call me Brenda, dear.” She said kindly, before turning to Ryan.
“I’ll just be in the office. Make sure to say hi to Brent-family room.” Brenda called just before turning around and walking back the way she came.
Ryan turned to me, taking a loose hold of my wrist, leaving me to wrestle with the tingling in my hand that made my fingers want to reach up and curl around his hand.
I shook my head, like I was hoping the stupid thoughts would fall out of my ear, or something.
“C’mon, let’s go see Brent. I’m sure he’ll love to see you again, especially now that you’ve started reading Harry Potter.” And he lead me by my wrist into the next room, where the floor was carpeted with dark tan, a large red patterned rug spanning a good amount of room. Sitting on the couch, jerking a controller at the TV, was Brent. He didn’t look up when we walked in, not until his car on the screen crossed the finish line first, and he leapt up, grinning and yelling happily.
“Hey Brent,” Ryan said, and Brent turned, already bright face brightening further.
“Hi Ryan! Hi Averi! What are you doing here?” He asked cheerily. Ryan sat down beside him, tugging me over when I didn’t move with him. I plopped down awkwardly beside them.
“Well, Averi read the Sorcerer’s Stone and I’m letting her borrow The Chamber of Secrets.” The moment Ryan finished his sentence, Brent burst into a bunch of questions about what I thought about the book, if I loved it, did I think it was awesome…
It was nearly a half hour later when Ryan was finally leading me upstairs and Brent had returned to his game. We walked down a hallway, past three doors and to the last one, decorated with bright bumper stickers full of snappy remarks. Ryan shouldered it open, stepping aside to let me enter first. I warily did so, wondering if his room would smell like sweat and if there would be dirty old clothes strewn all over the floor.
It didn’t, but I couldn’t quite tell if that put it in my expectations, or out.
It was rather clean, but all the desk spaces were cluttered with family pictures, free of dust, but not of finger smudges-like Ryan often picked them up. His white walls were covered with movie posters. His bookshelves overflowed.
“What, no naked girl calendar?” I teased, awkwardly stepping inside and trying to decide whether or not I should sit on his bed, keep standing, lay on the floor, or what. Ryan laughed, smirk-smiling at me again.
“Nope. I’m a good boy,” He joked, and I rolled my eyes, hoping he wouldn’t notice my continued, awkward-find-what-to-do-with-myself dance.
He noticed.
Son of a b.itch, why was he so F.uckin’ observant?
“The bed will not bite you, I swear.” Ryan laughed, and I blushed again, trying desperately to ignore the way my heart stupidly reacted when he pushed me onto the bed. Almost like he knew exactly what effect he had on me, he did his Goddamned charming little smile again, making me both want to punch him, and melt.
This was getting old.
“Anyway, I have to search for the book in the many stacks of books I have.” Ryan said, gesturing to the sea of books taking over a whole corner of his room, and breaking the awkward silence that had suddenly enveloped us…again.
“Have fun with that,” I called, letting my eyes wander over his many pictures. Most were predictable-clas.sic family pictures and Christmas-card worthy smiles. But I couldn’t help but notice the cutoff for all the pictures-none of them showed Ryan below ten. Maybe not even below thirteen. I remembered what Blake had said-that he had been adopted. Questions floated to my lips, but I bit them back, because I knew I couldn’t ask them.
Until my eyes fell on the one, lone picture on his bedside table. I didn’t recognize him, didn’t see him in any of the other photos.
He was tall, and reminded me a lot of Ryan. They had the same, goofy smile and lanky build, reminding me in so many ways of Ryan, yet with clear differences. Instead of chestnut hair and green eyes, he had jet black hair and pale blue eyes. He had dressed in an army uniform, though he could barely be older than seventeen, giving a thumbs up to the camera. It was obvious he was out at war-green canvas tents and burning sandy hills creating a backdrop that made my stomach twist.
I picked it up. A light layer of dust coated the glas.s, making the photo look grainy and old. Brushing off the dust helped minimally-the camera used to take the picture was apparently pretty crappy.
Before I could stop myself, the words slipped out of my mouth.
“Who is this?” Ryan glanced up from his busy book search, and his ever present happy glow lessened drastically.
I instantly regretted asking anything.
“Ah…That would be…My brother, Daniel.” He cleared his throat awkwardly, and I wanted to ask more, but I couldn’t.
Ryan suddenly sat down next to me, making me jump and fumbling with the picture to put it back. Ryan placed the book in my lap and leaned over, so his breath whispered down my neck.
“You’re allowed to ask questions.” He muttered in my ear, trying, it seemed, to return to his goofy nonchalance, though his voice still seemed filled with grit, gravelly with an emotion I hadn’t quite categorized yet. I wanted to ask questions, because curiosity was eating me away. But it was clear there was a story behind the picture for Ryan-a bad one.
Seeming to hear my silent thoughts, he suddenly broke into words.
“When I was ten, my parents died in a car crash. As.shole that hit them was drunk.” He began, slowly, steadily, still whispering in my ear. But it wasn’t like he was trying to make me go weak at the knees for him-more like he couldn’t look at me when he told the story, just leaned his head against mine and stared at the wall.
“Daniel and I went into the system. He was fifteen. We were close, and thankfully managed to stick together, stay away from the really bad homes that a lot of kids got sucked into. We actually had some pretty good times.” Ryan went on, chuckling at some memory his mind had brought up.
He paused, like he was steeling himself to say the next few words, to finish. Unthinkingly, I grabbed his hand that was starting to shake against my knee, holding it tightly. He gripped my fingers in return.
“Three years later, when I was thirteen and he was eighteen…I don’t know why, but…Not long after he was deployed, he was pronounced MIA. I got the letter my third night being here.” And the shakes that had been previously radiating through suddenly became harder, and when I looked over, it was clear that Ryan was crying.
I didn’t know what to do. I’d never had to comfort anyone before.
Because I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that I couldn’t just let him fall to pieces without me doing anything for him, I turned around and hugged him. It was somewhat of an awkward position, with my torso twisted nearly 360, and Ryan taller than the Empire State building, but it was all I could do, and I had to do something.
I don’t know how long we sat like that. Long enough that I felt my body do the same thing it always seemed to do around Ryan- want to get as close as possible, to fit myself perfectly into each turn of his body, like we were two pieces of the same puzzle.
Just as suddenly as it had happened, Ryan pulled away, smiling at me gratefully. He knew I wasn’t good in situations like these. I don’t know how he knew, but he did, because Ryan managed to always know me, when I didn’t even know myself.
It was a scary thought.
“I-I’m sorry ‘bout that.” He whispered. Voice sounding like a croak from such a long silence, I answered
“That’s okay. You already saw me fall apart. I guess we’re even now.” He laughed breathily, nodding and running a hand through his hair.
There was a knock on the door, and we jumped apart, untangling ourselves from the other’s embrace until there was three feet of space between us. Brent peeked in cautiously, like he was expecting some gruesome crime scene. Relief spilled across his face when he saw quite the opposite.
“Mom wanted me to come and check on you.” He said, and I blushed scarlet. Ryan’s cheeks were a little rosy, too.
“Oh, have you started reading the Chamber of Secrets?” He asked excitedly, eyes on the book that lay beside Ryan. I’d completely forgotten about our original purpose.
“No, not yet, Brent. We were talking.”
“Well, you should stop talking and start reading!” Brent said, jumping up between us and snatching the book. I caught Ryan’s eye, wondering how he could be such a great big brother to Brent, when his own big brother had run out on him and gotten himself killed when Ryan really needed him.
I swear to God he could read my mind, because he answered my unsaid question.
“What good is living if I’m only living in the past?”
The words haunted me.
Ahhhhh....I hope you like this chapter, anyway :)
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Chapter Ten
“So, did you ever finish The Sorcerer’s Stone?” Ryan asked as we ate at the table outside, chowing down on cheese burgers and fries. I tried to hide the sudden flush in my face behind my burger.
“Erm-uh-yes, yes I did.” I answered slowly. Ryan watched me expectantly.
“And, what did you think of it…?” He prodded. Why did he push?
“I…I liked it, but that doesn’t mean that you’re right!” I called quickly, hoping he wouldn’t gloat.
“Oh really? I’m not right, yet I was the one who said that you would like the book? Yeah, that makes sense.” He joked.
“Hey, sarcasm is my thing.” I muttered feebly, staring at the bright red straw protruding from my Dr. Pepper.
“Anyway, do you have The Chamber of Secrets?” He asked.
“No. I haven’t had time to head to the library.” I answered, and when I looked back up, Ryan was standing, finishing his last fry.
“My house is closer; I’ll let you borrow my copy.” He said around the fry in his mouth. Why did my stomach flip?
“Er-ah-” But before I could finish, Ryan yanked me up and towed me over to his truck.
“But-the library-er-why your house?” I asked, not really wanting an answer, or going for one.
“Because it’s closer.” He repeated, doing that Goddamned charming smirk-smile before opening the door for me.
“Ma’lady,”
I glared, but didn’t say anything, just shoved myself into the car.
About five minutes later, Ryan pulled into the driveway of a nice house in a nice neighborhood, with pale grey siding, dark grey shingles, and a bright, shiny, cherry red door. The drive way already had a car in it.
“Okay, c’mon,” Ryan said, and since I was tired of being a wimp, I reluctantly got out and followed him up the hot cement steps. He opened the door and held it open for me as I stepped in, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the different lighting. It smelled like air freshener and the great smells of homemade foods. I could hear Brent’s voice as he yelled at a video game.
Just then, a woman walked in, short and slightly plump, smiling. She reminded me of Brent-dark skin, and short, curly black hair that was wrapped in a bun.
“Oh hi, Ryan,” She said, her brown eyes shifting to me. Ryan smiled.
“Hey Mom, this is Averi, a friend. I brought her here to let her borrow a book.” He explained, and his mother smiled, extending her hand.
“Well hello, Averi. You can call me Brenda, dear.” She said kindly, before turning to Ryan.
“I’ll just be in the office. Make sure to say hi to Brent-family room.” Brenda called just before turning around and walking back the way she came.
Ryan turned to me, taking a loose hold of my wrist, leaving me to wrestle with the tingling in my hand that made my fingers want to reach up and curl around his hand.
I shook my head, like I was hoping the stupid thoughts would fall out of my ear, or something.
“C’mon, let’s go see Brent. I’m sure he’ll love to see you again, especially now that you’ve started reading Harry Potter.” And he lead me by my wrist into the next room, where the floor was carpeted with dark tan, a large red patterned rug spanning a good amount of room. Sitting on the couch, jerking a controller at the TV, was Brent. He didn’t look up when we walked in, not until his car on the screen crossed the finish line first, and he leapt up, grinning and yelling happily.
“Hey Brent,” Ryan said, and Brent turned, already bright face brightening further.
“Hi Ryan! Hi Averi! What are you doing here?” He asked cheerily. Ryan sat down beside him, tugging me over when I didn’t move with him. I plopped down awkwardly beside them.
“Well, Averi read the Sorcerer’s Stone and I’m letting her borrow The Chamber of Secrets.” The moment Ryan finished his sentence, Brent burst into a bunch of questions about what I thought about the book, if I loved it, did I think it was awesome…
It was nearly a half hour later when Ryan was finally leading me upstairs and Brent had returned to his game. We walked down a hallway, past three doors and to the last one, decorated with bright bumper stickers full of snappy remarks. Ryan shouldered it open, stepping aside to let me enter first. I warily did so, wondering if his room would smell like sweat and if there would be dirty old clothes strewn all over the floor.
It didn’t, but I couldn’t quite tell if that put it in my expectations, or out.
It was rather clean, but all the desk spaces were cluttered with family pictures, free of dust, but not of finger smudges-like Ryan often picked them up. His white walls were covered with movie posters. His bookshelves overflowed.
“What, no naked girl calendar?” I teased, awkwardly stepping inside and trying to decide whether or not I should sit on his bed, keep standing, lay on the floor, or what. Ryan laughed, smirk-smiling at me again.
“Nope. I’m a good boy,” He joked, and I rolled my eyes, hoping he wouldn’t notice my continued, awkward-find-what-to-do-with-myself dance.
He noticed.
Son of a b.itch, why was he so F.uckin’ observant?
“The bed will not bite you, I swear.” Ryan laughed, and I blushed again, trying desperately to ignore the way my heart stupidly reacted when he pushed me onto the bed. Almost like he knew exactly what effect he had on me, he did his Goddamned charming little smile again, making me both want to punch him, and melt.
This was getting old.
“Anyway, I have to search for the book in the many stacks of books I have.” Ryan said, gesturing to the sea of books taking over a whole corner of his room, and breaking the awkward silence that had suddenly enveloped us…again.
“Have fun with that,” I called, letting my eyes wander over his many pictures. Most were predictable-clas.sic family pictures and Christmas-card worthy smiles. But I couldn’t help but notice the cutoff for all the pictures-none of them showed Ryan below ten. Maybe not even below thirteen. I remembered what Blake had said-that he had been adopted. Questions floated to my lips, but I bit them back, because I knew I couldn’t ask them.
Until my eyes fell on the one, lone picture on his bedside table. I didn’t recognize him, didn’t see him in any of the other photos.
He was tall, and reminded me a lot of Ryan. They had the same, goofy smile and lanky build, reminding me in so many ways of Ryan, yet with clear differences. Instead of chestnut hair and green eyes, he had jet black hair and pale blue eyes. He had dressed in an army uniform, though he could barely be older than seventeen, giving a thumbs up to the camera. It was obvious he was out at war-green canvas tents and burning sandy hills creating a backdrop that made my stomach twist.
I picked it up. A light layer of dust coated the glas.s, making the photo look grainy and old. Brushing off the dust helped minimally-the camera used to take the picture was apparently pretty crappy.
Before I could stop myself, the words slipped out of my mouth.
“Who is this?” Ryan glanced up from his busy book search, and his ever present happy glow lessened drastically.
I instantly regretted asking anything.
“Ah…That would be…My brother, Daniel.” He cleared his throat awkwardly, and I wanted to ask more, but I couldn’t.
Ryan suddenly sat down next to me, making me jump and fumbling with the picture to put it back. Ryan placed the book in my lap and leaned over, so his breath whispered down my neck.
“You’re allowed to ask questions.” He muttered in my ear, trying, it seemed, to return to his goofy nonchalance, though his voice still seemed filled with grit, gravelly with an emotion I hadn’t quite categorized yet. I wanted to ask questions, because curiosity was eating me away. But it was clear there was a story behind the picture for Ryan-a bad one.
Seeming to hear my silent thoughts, he suddenly broke into words.
“When I was ten, my parents died in a car crash. As.shole that hit them was drunk.” He began, slowly, steadily, still whispering in my ear. But it wasn’t like he was trying to make me go weak at the knees for him-more like he couldn’t look at me when he told the story, just leaned his head against mine and stared at the wall.
“Daniel and I went into the system. He was fifteen. We were close, and thankfully managed to stick together, stay away from the really bad homes that a lot of kids got sucked into. We actually had some pretty good times.” Ryan went on, chuckling at some memory his mind had brought up.
He paused, like he was steeling himself to say the next few words, to finish. Unthinkingly, I grabbed his hand that was starting to shake against my knee, holding it tightly. He gripped my fingers in return.
“Three years later, when I was thirteen and he was eighteen…I don’t know why, but…Not long after he was deployed, he was pronounced MIA. I got the letter my third night being here.” And the shakes that had been previously radiating through suddenly became harder, and when I looked over, it was clear that Ryan was crying.
I didn’t know what to do. I’d never had to comfort anyone before.
Because I didn’t know what to do, but I knew that I couldn’t just let him fall to pieces without me doing anything for him, I turned around and hugged him. It was somewhat of an awkward position, with my torso twisted nearly 360, and Ryan taller than the Empire State building, but it was all I could do, and I had to do something.
I don’t know how long we sat like that. Long enough that I felt my body do the same thing it always seemed to do around Ryan- want to get as close as possible, to fit myself perfectly into each turn of his body, like we were two pieces of the same puzzle.
Just as suddenly as it had happened, Ryan pulled away, smiling at me gratefully. He knew I wasn’t good in situations like these. I don’t know how he knew, but he did, because Ryan managed to always know me, when I didn’t even know myself.
It was a scary thought.
“I-I’m sorry ‘bout that.” He whispered. Voice sounding like a croak from such a long silence, I answered
“That’s okay. You already saw me fall apart. I guess we’re even now.” He laughed breathily, nodding and running a hand through his hair.
There was a knock on the door, and we jumped apart, untangling ourselves from the other’s embrace until there was three feet of space between us. Brent peeked in cautiously, like he was expecting some gruesome crime scene. Relief spilled across his face when he saw quite the opposite.
“Mom wanted me to come and check on you.” He said, and I blushed scarlet. Ryan’s cheeks were a little rosy, too.
“Oh, have you started reading the Chamber of Secrets?” He asked excitedly, eyes on the book that lay beside Ryan. I’d completely forgotten about our original purpose.
“No, not yet, Brent. We were talking.”
“Well, you should stop talking and start reading!” Brent said, jumping up between us and snatching the book. I caught Ryan’s eye, wondering how he could be such a great big brother to Brent, when his own big brother had run out on him and gotten himself killed when Ryan really needed him.
I swear to God he could read my mind, because he answered my unsaid question.
“What good is living if I’m only living in the past?”
The words haunted me.
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